Ch-ch-ch-changes! Ch-ch-ch-chicken no more!

Song:

Let me become thy body
Thou become my spirit
Oh Holy One, Oh Holy One
Oh Holy One, Oh Holy One
Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh
Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh

-C.A. Sokoloff and Inayat Khan

Got into a huge fight with my father last week. It was necessary, but a bit jarring. We broke a door. I fled to LA and attended a U2-charist. I usually do not enjoy these, but I had a great time and really enjoyed looking and feeling into this music. I was with a bunch of friends from Boston and the whole experience helped me to remember that I have a past, a past that matters, a past that includes loving and worthy experiences. I am upon change and I'm being called to move on.

I also found a miracle. Met a group of folks who are looking for a roommate. Great situation and I'll be deciding soon if I will take it. There are so many things about the situation that could be very healing, which I definitely need right now.

Since my return from LA, I've been staying with a good friend in town. This has been incredibly helpful. While I've been dealing with lots of things having to do with yet another car accident (phew, this time it wasn't my fault), I have accomplished some things musically:

I sold Chicken. No, I did not open a fried food stand. I sold my guitar. I was low in cash and needed to fill my gas tank. Turns out I didn't really need to do this. But you know what? I think I really did. While I don't have an instrument that I can plug into an amp anymore, I feel feng shui'd somehow. I was going to pawn the thing and the energy around it felt fuzzy. When I got to Guitar Center though, where I had originally bought Chicken, I felt very excited. I had always disliked going into Guitar Center in Boston, but for whatever reason, I feel super happy in them in Cali. I feel I am casting a sense of faith, newness, re-newness and openness into my music by releasing my guitar. And the money I got for it, felt supportive somehow. As if this money is going to help me find a happier way.

So, my friend, the one who has a theatre company, has agreed to let me play their pre-show! Yippee! I'll be doing a 30 minute set at the end of August!

AND, I've been asked to write a theme song for the theatre company. She wants this to be a collaboration of folks who are close to her. I am gathering up ideas right now and will be collaborating with a friend of hers that I've long been wanting to meet. He's a multi-instrumentalist for a gigging Americana band and he has a recording studio. I hope he'll be down for the project. The plan is to have the song recorded by the opening of the show and to have copies of it available to sell. Perhaps they'll even pop it on their myspace. I'll also be performing it and introducing it to folks right before the show starts. Ooh, I'm wildly, wildly excited!

I have made contact with a local music producer. The guy has been doing this for 10 years and records about 200 songs a year. He conducts certifications in ProTools, is a gigging musician and is pretty Berklee friendly, which for whatever reason brings me a sense of comfort. He plays piano and bass mainly and folks from Ali Akhbar to Toni Braxton have done projects in his studio. He also produced one of the albums for the "Brazilian Girls," who I think are way way groovy!! Anyway, he's pretty accessible and I found him online. Sent him an email and we spoke yesterday.

My head totally opened up while we were talking. He spoke about creating a song the way one builds a house: with a solid foundation. He talked about the way he approaches songs and said that he really listens for what the rhythm is and the bass. This really spoke to me because this is how my colleagues and I worked in Boston. Groove was our thang. He spoke about building up from that place and I just felt so stoked to be having the conversation. He asked me to send me some mp3s and I told him that I was scared, but also really excited. And he said that he doesn't criticize. He said that he is about building on the strengths and supporting/adjusting the weaker parts. He was really clear that his job was to help people and I really liked the sound and vibe of that. He said, "let's get you to a point where you can take at least one track and say 'hey, check THIS out!'" He sounds like a rad brother to work with. Now all I have to do is raise some dough or find more stuff to sell.

Had this thought this morning that I should ask my relatives and see if I could do a fundraising concert for them - in Houston. I'd have to sing a bunch of Filipino karaoke songs, but hey, that'd be cool if I could gather more support in my music.

I did go to the songwriters meetup group last week. I learned a lot. They taught me about warming up before you go on, choosing what time to sign-up for, doing research on venues, checking out the sound systems, gaging and interacting with the audience, making selections. They also pointed out some other helpful resources. The group was really sweet and they asked a lot about the harmonium, which I said in my profile I played. They also had a sign-up list so that people could do collabs. At the end, there was a sharing and I played one of my tracks. I didn't perform for them, but I really think I should have. I think this group would have understood me better and I think I would have reeled them into my creativity by playing the guitar. One of the ladies during a chat was pleasantly surprised that I played the guitar. She insisted that I tell the group. She explained that the guitar is something people understand. What a very helpful thing she taught me. I'm already pretty exotic to folks, so playing an instrument they know is a wonderful way to get them closer to you. And as it turns out, I'm a lot better at playing it than I thought. In know I'm not a competitive player by any means, but it sure feels good when you are with a group with a bunch of guys and you are clearly one of the best players. Hard work pays off.

The biggest lesson I learned was that my style of music is a bit more sophisticated (jazzy, layered) than the ear of this town and that I will have to work to find an audience that will get my stuff. I also learned that I have no business being insecure about my talent. There are loads of people with a fraction of training and natural ability that I have that are constantly, constantly out there and engaging audiences. I realized how good I was, but that my real problem wasn't actually in my skill, but in my accessibility and receptiveness to an audience. My real problem is that I don't let an audience in. I gave an intro to my track and thought that it would help folks understand where I was coming from, but instead I think I separated and disconnected myself from these folks. My production abilities are quite undeveloped, so one of the things that made it difficult for folks to hear my recording was the fact that I did not mix the recording loud enough. They were straining to hear. That in combo with my intro and the fact that they could not participate vocally while listening because the recording was too quiet, made for a very stiff listen. This totally symbolizes where I am as a performer. In actuality, I have not performed in a very, very long time. And in these recent years, the only time I have ever felt connected to an audience is when I am chanting.

There's something about singing for the Universe and singing to illuminuate Holy text so that it is heard in a new way that becomes a deeply spiritual thing for me. Now, how can I channel the same way, with the same heart when I'm playing the guitar and singing or just singing the stories I write?

I love thinking about this stuff. When I was in Guitar Center, I shouted in my heart, "I am so, so so, in LOVE, LOVE, LOVE with music." And after speaking with that producer, I felt so happy. And holding this question about my chanting is so meaningful. I like this feeling, this feeling that I'm really starting to become a professional, vocational musician.

One more thing I should mention. This house I might be living in. Lots of youth ministers and Episcopalians, there's a labyrinth in the backyard, a chapel, one night of worship that they take turns leading and a recording studio in progress in the garage. One of the newbies there is a pro LA musician and is the piano accompanist for one of the "High School Musical" stars. Incredible. Go Jesus, go! And they're cool with my doing my Universal Worship.

Just need some clarity about logistics, since I wouldn't be allowed a car up there, but I believe things will work out for the best.